So for the last 6 months or so I've been asking God to show me how to become the girl He wants me to be? I see her, shes across the river from where I am today. But how do I get there, that's my dilemma. Now I'm smart like you so I know its a bridge. But whats it made of? See the me I am today needs to logically and emotionally get across the river. So the bridge can't be made of sticks and stones, no building material necessary.
I've tried to figure out what it might take to get over there but each time I've tried to build it myself its fallen apart. So here I sit on my side of the shore. I'm a swimmer so the thought has crossed my mind. But its a rapidly moving river full of self doubt, fear, insecurity, panic, shame, guilt. Its not friendly water. So I definitely need a bridge.
In the midst of this dilemma God asked some pointed things of me. Go buy a binder, buy notebook paper, buy index cards. After I bought them He said, " put the paper in the binder, put sheet protectors in the binder, put a rubber band around the index cards." If your not laughing, go ahead and do it now. I'll wait....
I laughed, I thought am I crazy, is God really saying this or am I. Now my advise is simple. If God tells you to do IT, do IT. Whatever IT may be. Because He was getting me ready for my answer. I didn't know this but that's what happened.
I sat down to read "The Final Summit" by Andy Andrews. And on a random page in the middle of the book was my answer. And it was....
SELF DISCIPLINE!!!!
In the book the sentence went like this..." Self discipline is the bridge between what you are and what you wish to become. And unless you change how you think and how you act, you will always be what you are." I sat there is awe for a few minutes then I started to cry and laugh at the same time. Relief flooded me. Just to have the question answered. But also at that moment the scales feel off my eyes (Acts 9:18 KJV). All of the sudden things I've known became clear. The best way for me to describe it is... I felt like I was holding a handful of Connect 4 pieces. At that moment I knew which column to put them in. All my thoughts and goals were in their place and I could see the path. Deep breath moment.
So off I go. Now I need to set the right boundaries around my heart and mind, around my activitys with my body and schedule, around what I don't want to do, to get to where I do want to go. It will come down to choices and self discipline.
I'm excited and a little scared to meet the Christy, God wants me to be. Mostly excited. I know its my job to make the bridge a strong one. With God's help I know I can cause...
I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. (Col.1:17,Matt. 19:26, Rom. 8:28,8:37)
My thoughts for you is.. go find your bridge. Cross it and don't look back.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
reading in order
Hockey cont.. is to be read after hockey. I was in the middle of hockey when I hit the post button. So for it all to make sense start on Hockey. :)
Hockey cont...
Cooper is the cute one with the yellow on his helmet.
It has been a great season of hockey for this mommy and I barely missed watching the professionals.
Well Cooper has issues with the Detroit Red Wings. They took our Phoenix Coyotes out of the play offs. Last year they did the same thing. As the story goes.... There are Red Wing fans that go to Cooper's school. We know this because the entire back window of someones SUV is a Red Wing emblem. Cooper had such issues everyday as we got into the car line and would see that car. Then one day Cooper noticed they also had a Not of this World sticker . Coop's eyes got big and his head began to shake and out came," Oh no!! They can not love Jesus and cheer for the bad guys." Under a smile, I replied," Cooper I think Jesus is ok with us cheering for different hockey teams as long as we are all on HIS team." He wasn't sure but decided he'd think about it. The night the Red Wings took our Coyotes out of the play offs, Cooper was inconsolable. After lots of talks and hugs from mom and dad we finally had to leave Cooper to work it out by himself. ( super sad night for this mommy) The next morning my prayer went something like this.." Lord if there is any mercy in you we will not see that car today." Just to let you know we do serve a God of mercy cause that car was nowhere to be found that day.
So last night we were cheering for the Sharks. It was an exciting game and our team won with a score of 3-2
Both teams wrestled and fought to win but last night it went to the Sharks.
Made me think about how sometimes God wants us to wrestle with Him. Not meanly, quite the opposite. He wants to see what we are made of and how far we will go.To grow us and it is not a win/lose kind of wrestling its a win/win kind of wrestling cause when we wrestle and go hard we find out what we are made of. That we are tougher than we thought.And the beauty of finishing strong is the blessing that comes from the Lord when He gets to say,'"Atta girl" I've learned that I am a quitter. I tend to bail out when it starts to hurt or I get scared.Well that stops now. I'm tougher than I think and I'm done buying the lie Satan throws at me that says God's trying to kill me. HE IS FOR ME!!!!So go strong sweet warriors. Lets show this world what playing like a girl looks like!!!
Hockey
Sunday, May 8, 2011
My Children
Ya know my children are the reason I get to celebrate Mother's day so I wanted to give them a shout out.
Savanna(17) is this amazing force that God placed in my care. He looked around and said,"Christy is the right Mom for this incredible creature." and I pray always for the strength to guide her in the right direction. Cause to be honest she has an amazing future in front of her. I know Ive failed many times but because of who she is she is never tousled. And my life has been so blessed because of her. She is by far the coolest thing I've ever done. She blows me away almost every time she says something, and its not because of her breath either. :) She has insight and maturity and strength and wisdom that I only wish I had. Savanna knows who she is no matter what is going on. In the dark, in a crowd, alone, with friends, with adults, at church or at a party she is the same. She doesn't need a mask, she just remains exactly who God made her. Thank you Savanna for being the ride of a lifetime.I love you so much and as I am not looking forward to this growing up thing that keeps happening. I can't wait to see who you become. God has a powerful plan for you. Stay close to Him. Hes got the map.
Cooper(7) is exciting and playful. God put all kinds of party in Cooper when He created him. He is always up for fun. He has the kind of personality that draws people to him. As a little guy I would watch as kids and adults alike would seek him out and chat with him, in grocery stores, at play grounds, at church, in sports. Its amazing to watch as a mom and I just think, "wow who are you going to become?" I am again blessed that God chose me to be his mom. He absolutely delights my heart. When is was itty bitty he was in trouble and I was down at eye level with him giving him a talking too when that little scamp cupped my face in his chubby little hands and announced," Mommy you a princess!" I knew I was in trouble that day. My heart smiles when he tells me things and his enthusiasm is contagious. I have loved every minute of being your mom Cooper. Continue to get to know Jesus and He will lead you. You have a great gift in who you are. I pray that you always give God the Glory and thanks He deserves in all you accomplishments. You rock son.
Being a mom has been the most rewarding, trying, exciting, terrifying, wonderful time of my life. I'm so blessed to spend it with the two kids I have.
Savanna(17) is this amazing force that God placed in my care. He looked around and said,"Christy is the right Mom for this incredible creature." and I pray always for the strength to guide her in the right direction. Cause to be honest she has an amazing future in front of her. I know Ive failed many times but because of who she is she is never tousled. And my life has been so blessed because of her. She is by far the coolest thing I've ever done. She blows me away almost every time she says something, and its not because of her breath either. :) She has insight and maturity and strength and wisdom that I only wish I had. Savanna knows who she is no matter what is going on. In the dark, in a crowd, alone, with friends, with adults, at church or at a party she is the same. She doesn't need a mask, she just remains exactly who God made her. Thank you Savanna for being the ride of a lifetime.I love you so much and as I am not looking forward to this growing up thing that keeps happening. I can't wait to see who you become. God has a powerful plan for you. Stay close to Him. Hes got the map.
Cooper(7) is exciting and playful. God put all kinds of party in Cooper when He created him. He is always up for fun. He has the kind of personality that draws people to him. As a little guy I would watch as kids and adults alike would seek him out and chat with him, in grocery stores, at play grounds, at church, in sports. Its amazing to watch as a mom and I just think, "wow who are you going to become?" I am again blessed that God chose me to be his mom. He absolutely delights my heart. When is was itty bitty he was in trouble and I was down at eye level with him giving him a talking too when that little scamp cupped my face in his chubby little hands and announced," Mommy you a princess!" I knew I was in trouble that day. My heart smiles when he tells me things and his enthusiasm is contagious. I have loved every minute of being your mom Cooper. Continue to get to know Jesus and He will lead you. You have a great gift in who you are. I pray that you always give God the Glory and thanks He deserves in all you accomplishments. You rock son.
Being a mom has been the most rewarding, trying, exciting, terrifying, wonderful time of my life. I'm so blessed to spend it with the two kids I have.
Happy Mother's Day
Today's the day. We get to honor those wonderful thankless women we call Mom. So I'm going to do that for all to see what a blessing my Mom is.
My mom hums when she works. Now I believe that even though I would grumble at the task she is doing, she on the the other hand does it with a cheerful heart. I hope I catch that. I still have my glove on looking into the sun to find it but it hasn't fallen on me yet. :)
My Mom is LOVE. It pours from her like a gentle moving stream. Always in motion but never over powering.
My is JOY. She has a laugh that makes her the most adorable creature. The way her eyes dance when shes going to be silly. Darling.
My Mom has PEACE. That's why I believe she can hum at the world. Her inner core is at peace with herself and the Lord.
My Mom is PATIENCE. Whether it is with her kids, her grand kids, her husband, or someone else's kids she is always patient.
My Mom is KINDNESS. She is the kind of woman who thinks of others first and in doing so she see our needs and meets them. Its a beautiful thing to watch, see and be a recipient of.
My Mom is GOODNESS. Always willing to get up and get anyone something. (while humming) She will work extra or harder just to make someone else's load less.
My Mom is FAITHFUL. In all my life I'm still waiting for the day she drops a ball. She is amazing with all the things she does and she never lets any of them fall.
MY Mom is GENTLENESS. Soft as a feather yet strong as an ox. That is my Mom. She can take a bandage off without pain and she can listen and always have a soft, honest, dead on right answer.
MY Mom is SELF-CONTROL. She never looses her cool. I lived with her in my teenage years, and I wasn't easy. Yet she was always controlled and full of wisdom.
So this wonderful woman I get to call Mom you get to call Sharon is a true Blessing. My life is so rich to have grown up under her care and now in friendship and love as two woman who love each other and love our families and mostly love the Lord. The love of Christ is the best treasure my mom has bestowed on me. Thanks Mom for being amazing and loving me. I pray I do as good of job. I love you very much. XOXO
My mom hums when she works. Now I believe that even though I would grumble at the task she is doing, she on the the other hand does it with a cheerful heart. I hope I catch that. I still have my glove on looking into the sun to find it but it hasn't fallen on me yet. :)
My Mom is LOVE. It pours from her like a gentle moving stream. Always in motion but never over powering.
My is JOY. She has a laugh that makes her the most adorable creature. The way her eyes dance when shes going to be silly. Darling.
My Mom has PEACE. That's why I believe she can hum at the world. Her inner core is at peace with herself and the Lord.
My Mom is PATIENCE. Whether it is with her kids, her grand kids, her husband, or someone else's kids she is always patient.
My Mom is KINDNESS. She is the kind of woman who thinks of others first and in doing so she see our needs and meets them. Its a beautiful thing to watch, see and be a recipient of.
My Mom is GOODNESS. Always willing to get up and get anyone something. (while humming) She will work extra or harder just to make someone else's load less.
My Mom is FAITHFUL. In all my life I'm still waiting for the day she drops a ball. She is amazing with all the things she does and she never lets any of them fall.
MY Mom is GENTLENESS. Soft as a feather yet strong as an ox. That is my Mom. She can take a bandage off without pain and she can listen and always have a soft, honest, dead on right answer.
MY Mom is SELF-CONTROL. She never looses her cool. I lived with her in my teenage years, and I wasn't easy. Yet she was always controlled and full of wisdom.
So this wonderful woman I get to call Mom you get to call Sharon is a true Blessing. My life is so rich to have grown up under her care and now in friendship and love as two woman who love each other and love our families and mostly love the Lord. The love of Christ is the best treasure my mom has bestowed on me. Thanks Mom for being amazing and loving me. I pray I do as good of job. I love you very much. XOXO
Saturday, May 7, 2011
editing
Okay i sent it before rereading it so.....
the dam broke
Cooper came
She liked
If you didn't already think I was nuts, here you go.
the dam broke
Cooper came
She liked
If you didn't already think I was nuts, here you go.
Whats in a name
Okay here's the thing... God has asked me to do something that, til this point has brought such anxiety and fear that I almost can't breathe. Now the truth is I TRUST God. So why the fear, why the questions, why the negotiating with God. Well Monday at the Cran house will go down as meltdown Monday. I found myself literally wandering in circles around my house, watching the clock, waiting til it was time to get the kids cause then I have my excuses. "Lord i was busy being a mom and you call me to be the best i can be so sorry I didn't have time today, maybe tomorrow." Per my prior sentence you all know I did. Anyway Jeff can home and could tell I was out of sorts ( I don't know how cause I feel like I mask it well) anyway.. We started to chat and down came my defenses and out came the story of my day and the dam brought and out rolled all the emotion and tears I'd been avoiding. So in our conversation Jeff was able to encourage me and get me to back away from the proverbial cliff i was about to jump off. Well as we all know that with kids and life the night went on, my distractions proved exactly that, distractions. Isn't it amazing how fast we can stuff our self back in and pour ourselves out for our kids. The night ended with me doing my bible study, and Cooper can up and asked what I was doing. I told him bible study and his eyes lit up and he said, " hold on a sec." He ran off and returned with his adventure bible. That alone sent my heart off beat but then he said," you tell me the verse and I'll look it up for you." So that's how my bible study went that night. Coop sitting on the arm of my bible study chair looking up verses and reading them to me. We ended with a fun kid devotion and family prayer. Now you would think that was the ending to a great night but God wasn't done with me yet that day. After goodnight kisses and everyone being tucked in. Jeff looks at me and says," Babe how are we going to fix your thoughts?" Loaded question! With tears I said I wasn't sure but I'd let him know when I knew. And Then....
Jeff said," Babe can I pray for you?" Now I have an amazing leader for a husband and I KNOW he lifts me up in prayer everyday, he prays with the kids BUT to pray over me out loud in front of me doesn't happen much.
He began to pray and he asked God many things and rebuked satan but what my ears heard the most is every question, every petition, every command, had my name in it. Christy, Christy, Christy. My husband was saying my name to the Savior of the world. I have never loved my name more. And I have never felt more seen and loved by my husband.
Off the sappy note our names are OURS and ours alone. Even if others are titled by the same our name is ours. And Jeff and I call each other babe or he calls my babycakes but we don't use our real names often. It reminds me when Savi as about 3 1/2 she said to me," Mommy do you know I'm someone in particular?" Now she like to use big words early so my question was always,"Do you know what in particular means?"With a crocked smile and a tilted head she say yes. So my next question was what. " Mommy its because I have a name. Everyone who has a name is in particular." Touche'
So I was thinking that we are all inparticular. and to our Savior we are not just a bunch of believers we are inparticular, one of a kind, the only one He made just like that. We are Christy or Amy or Shannah or Sharon or Joanne or Patti. Your name is just yours.We are not just one of many we are His daughter known and named and chosen and claimed. Celebrate that today!!!
Jeff said," Babe can I pray for you?" Now I have an amazing leader for a husband and I KNOW he lifts me up in prayer everyday, he prays with the kids BUT to pray over me out loud in front of me doesn't happen much.
He began to pray and he asked God many things and rebuked satan but what my ears heard the most is every question, every petition, every command, had my name in it. Christy, Christy, Christy. My husband was saying my name to the Savior of the world. I have never loved my name more. And I have never felt more seen and loved by my husband.
Off the sappy note our names are OURS and ours alone. Even if others are titled by the same our name is ours. And Jeff and I call each other babe or he calls my babycakes but we don't use our real names often. It reminds me when Savi as about 3 1/2 she said to me," Mommy do you know I'm someone in particular?" Now she like to use big words early so my question was always,"Do you know what in particular means?"With a crocked smile and a tilted head she say yes. So my next question was what. " Mommy its because I have a name. Everyone who has a name is in particular." Touche'
So I was thinking that we are all inparticular. and to our Savior we are not just a bunch of believers we are inparticular, one of a kind, the only one He made just like that. We are Christy or Amy or Shannah or Sharon or Joanne or Patti. Your name is just yours.We are not just one of many we are His daughter known and named and chosen and claimed. Celebrate that today!!!
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