Well I'm back. I feel like last year stole my voice. I just had nothing to say because I spent the year with a broken heart. It seemed as soon as I thought I had my footing, the rug got pulled again. This new years eve at midnight I brought in the new year in tears. 2011 held illness and death and life altering changes. It just felt like one thing after another and as many times as I pleaded with the Lord to come back and get us all so the heartache would stop He chose not to.
So I've been forced to deal with myself.
To stand up and fight for those I love and for myself, when I wanted to fall down and wallow.(the fighting was done mostly on my knees.)
I've found out I'm made of a lot stronger stock than I thought.
I've found that the heart of God has more love and mercy than I believed.
I've learned to rely on the spirit to turn my uttering into words of prayer.
I've found that even when I feel my voice is quieted the Lord hears the whispers of my heart.
I've found that alone as loneliness feels, I am NEVER alone.
So I decided to draw a line in the sand between 2011 and 2012. This year has already had its challenges but I'm different because of that line.
I looked my companion from last year right in the eyes and told him he wasn't welcome this year.That he had to stay in 2011. That companion is fear. The fear that held my hand last year is the paralyzing, crippling fear that kept me from accomplishing anything last year.
This side of the line holds freedom, excitiment, joy, love, acceptance.
I'm learning to be a good follower. Realizing my ways pale in comparision to the way the Lord wants for me.
I'm ready to believe that I can be differnt, usable, challenged.
So bring on this new year. I plan to look this year in the eye on Dec. 31st and be proud of who I am. To say thank you Lord for changing me, growing me, loving me. Stay tuned.
